


Still Breathing

by JosieWtF



Series: Ivory & Shane are my OTP [1]
Category: Stardew Valley
Genre: Anger, Anxiety, Cat, Depression, Drama, F/M, I love him, Imperfect Relationship, I’m also really bad at updating so sorry, I’m trash, Secrets, Shane is so angst but also such a cinnamon roll, Stardew Valley - Freeform, catto, relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-22
Updated: 2018-01-16
Packaged: 2019-02-05 13:15:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12795360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JosieWtF/pseuds/JosieWtF
Summary: Shane is an old, drunk fool. Depressed and anxious, he can’t remember the last time he formed a meaningful relationship with anyone but Jas and Marnie, his aunt and goddaughter whom he stays with, and even then the relationships are rocky. Then, a new woman moves into town and she turns his world inside out and upside down.***WARNINGS***Shane is very depressed/suicidal and I will be writing him as such. I may go into graphic detail with his thoughts and feelings. If you'd rather not read about that or are triggered by depression, anxiety, suicide and other things of this nature it may not be a good idea for you to read this story.This work was previously titled “Through the Valley of the Shadow of Death” but has been renamed! Hope I didn’t confuse anyone.





	1. Bad Beginnings

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [The Institution of Beer On Mondays](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8875600) by [Ratlochet_1472](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ratlochet_1472/pseuds/Ratlochet_1472). 



> I'd just like to thank Ratlochet_1472 because her story about Shane and her player character totally inspired me to write again! I love her story and you should totally go check it out if you like Shane! This story is in no way trying to copy hers, I have my own ideas for Shane and my own way of writing, and if anything happens to be similar, it isn't totally intentional, but when writing about the same character things can just be similar and it's kind of hard to make everything different. This is in Shane's perspective because I have always loved writing the stories in a male perspective. Anyway, now that I have that out of the way, let's get into the story!

I sat, staring at the bubbles that formed in my beer as I set the mug down. Another night at the tavern, another night of drinking away the pain of my own sorry excuse for an existence. 

I sighed.  _Stop thinking like that..._ I thought  _You’re so stupid. What do you have to be depressed about? What’s so bad about your life?_

Nothing. Nothing was bad about my life. I had a job that paid reasonably well, a home to go back to, a bed to sleep in. I didn’t have anything to be sad about, and yet...

It’s because I’m weak.

I sighed again and took a hearty swig from my mug, feeling it as it dulled the pain... the storm of emotions and conflicting feelings bubbling inside me.

Eventually, my mug was empty, so I lifted myself up heavily to go order another, when I saw something that made my heart ache in my chest.

She was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. Short, lithe frame; soft curves; long, reddish brown hair; big, green eyes. So... green. She looked like a tiny, beautiful porcelain doll, but... _strong._

I was instantly embarassed for staring at her, but I couldn't stop. I tried to look away and my eyes kept being drawn to her. Yoba, she was perfect. I managed to look away for long enough to walk clumbsily to the bar. I ordered my drink, and as I was waiting for Gus to make it, she came up and stood beside me. My heart was beating like wild, I could feel the sweat forming on the back of my neck. A woman had never taken my senses like this. I didn't like the feeling. It made me feel way too vulnerable. In my mind, I was already starting to resent her, so when she looked up at me with those clear, green eyes and greeted me with a warm smile, I instantly went on the defensive.

"Why are you speaking to me? I don't know you." I snapped as I handed Gus a tip and grabbed my beer.

I stalked back over to my table. My insides were burning. Who did she think she was? Just because she's gorgeous she thinks she can come talk to me... she thinks she owns me? I was steaming. I felt like there were flames licking across my entire body. My rage was self-directed but it felt better to direct it at someone else. To _blame_ someone else. The truth was, I didn't want that girl to get close to me. I didn't want her to see what I really was, how much of a loser I was. I just wanted her to think I was an asshole and leave me alone. I didn't want her to get anywhere near me.

I glanced up and I saw that turd, Alex talking to her. He was such an asshole, and I'd be lying if I said that it didn't make my blood boil when he made her laugh and put his hands on her. I looked away, disgusted. I shouldn't even care. I was the one who didn't want her to talk to me, so why did I care so much that she wanted to talk to Alex? Probably because he was a bonehead.  _Ugh..._ I snorted and gulped down my entire beer before getting the hell out of there. I needed some fresh air.

The air was cool and refreshing. It was the middle of summer, so the night was mild, but it was still cooler than that damned tavern, so it was a blessing.

That girl had been here for a month or so, and I'd heard about her. Marnie had talked about her a fair amount, telling me about how she'd inherited the farm north of ours from her grandfather, and how she'd come in to buy a cow and a chicken a few weeks back. I hadn't really paid much attention, because I honestly hadn't really cared. I didn't care about anything. Marnie had told me that she was pretty, but "pretty" was kind of an understatement. Besides, Marnie thinks everyone is pretty.

I kicked a few unlucky rocks as I rounded the corner and headed into the house.

"Shaney!!" Jas exclaimed as I closed the door and started taking my boots off.

"Jassy!" I mimicked her tone and put on my best fake smile, and scooped her up as she ran toward me. 

"I missed you, how was your day?" She inquired as she gave me a big hug. I returned the hug, thinking about how this little girl was the only thing keeping me from flinging myself off the cliff. Well, she was at least making it hard to make the choice.

"It was good." I lied. "what did you do today?"

"I played with Vincent down in the forest!" she said, beaming. "We found some frogs in a little puddle."

I smiled and carried her to the couch and sat her beside me as I listened to her describe her day's activities. I tried to focus on her stories and not let my mind drift to the woman from the tavern. I didn't even know her name... I barely listened when people spoke about her before... now I most likely wouldn't be able to help but listen when people speak about her. 

Why had I been so rude to her? Yeah, I didn't want her getting close to me but I didn't have to be rude like that, I could have said it politely... kindly. I hadn't needed to be the way that I did.

Jas eventually fell asleep, and I carried her off to her bed before collapsing into my own.


	2. Without You I'll Be Miserable at Best

It had been two weeks since I'd first seen that beautiful creature. I'd now learned that her name was Ivory... which was fitting seeing as her skin was ivory and flawless like a porcelean doll.

I couldn't stop thinking about her.

It was driving me crazy. I avoided her at all costs, she would try to speak with me frequently and I would be rude to her, I'd ignore her. Anything I could do to get her to get out of my head, out of my life. I thought that if she just wouldn't talk to me, or if I didn't see her for long enough, it would all go away, but deep down I know that if she'd stopped trying to talk to me, it would have broken my heart. I couldn't work a shift at JojaMart without her face coming into my brain about fifty times a day. I couldn't keep her out.

It really didn't help that she insisted on continuing to talk to me. A few times she came to my table at the tavern and actually  _sat next to me!_ I couldn't believe it. She would not leave me alone. It was scaring me because I knew that if she kept hanging around, if she kept  _trying_ despite my rudeness, that I would start to like her, and that couldn't happen, because if I started to like her, then I might start to love her, and then she could hurt me and that's already happened far too many times for my liking. It's safer to just stay by myself. The next time that I saw her, I would say something that would be sure to get her to leave me alone.

But... it's hard to keep your walls up if someone keeps chipping away at them, despite you throwing every weapon you can at them...

* * *

 

The next time I saw her though, I was very  _very_ deep in my cups, sitting on the dock by Marnie's house like I sometimes do in the late summer on warmer nights. I had a pretty rough day today, and I was trying to numb the pain, but it wasn't going away tonight. I was debating going to the tavern, as I only had two cans of beer left, when I was startled by a small voice coming from behind me.

"Do you mind if I sit with you, Shane?"

Her use of my name shot straight through my heart. She looked absolutely stunning tonight, with the moonlight in her hair... it took my breath away. I couldn't speak, I simply shook my head, and she tentatively sat next to me on the dock.

I didn't know what to say, I didn't know what to do. I was too drunk and too dumbstruck by her beauty to do anything at all, I just sat there staring at her, slackjawed.

"It's beautiful out here tonight, isn't it?" she said, looking at me with those beautiful emerald eyes.

I cleared my throat. "Er... yes, yes... definitely. It is. It's so... beautiful." I stammered, my cheeks heating up in a blush.

She giggled and it was the best sound I'd ever heard. I could listen to it for the rest of my life. "What are you doing out here, if you don't mind my asking?" she looked at me with curious eyes.

"Uh..." I tried to think of a good lie, but my brain was far, far away so I opted for the truth, albeit only part of it. "Life's just... hard sometimes, being out here helps me forget."

She looked at me with knowing eyes. It sent a pang through my chest, that maybe she understood me. "I know what you mean. Sometimes it just feels like life is a rollercoaster that just keeps going and going, no matter how much you beg to get off, or slow down, and it doesn't care if you get sick, it just goes as fast as it wants."

I stared at her. How... did she know? I could see the sadness in her eyes, and I felt like she couldn't be lying. How had she put all of the crazy emotions that I feel into such simple words? I suddenly had an urge to kiss her that was so strong, I had to forcibly pull back to snap myself out of it, and as I did that, I lost my drunken balance, and fell backwards right into the cold water.

"Shane!" I heard her frantic yell from under the water, and as I kicked and returned to the surface, I saw that beautiful face looking down at me with horror written all over it, I felt a laugh bubble up from within. I realized that I could touch the bottom and still keep my head up, and the urge to laugh became even stronger, and by the time I was out of the water I was in hysterics. I couldn't stop laughing. I felt her hands on me, making sure I was okay, and I looked up at her between bursts of laughter to see her studying my face for a few seconds, before she started laughing too. We laughed and laughed until our sides were absolutely sore, and our eyes were watering.

Finally, when the laughing subsided, I looked over at her, and she was already looking at me, and those eyes met mine, and I could barely breathe again. I couldn't stop myself this time, I leaned forward, and she... she leaned toward me as well. All of a sudden, our lips met and I knew that I couldn't stay away from her anymore.

We kissed for a few seconds and she pulled away, "I... I thought you hated me. I didn't think... you wanted this..." she stammered, biting her full bottom lip.

Of course I fucking wanted this... was she crazy? Did she have a mirror at that farmhouse? She was drop dead gorgeous, what straight man wouldn't want her?! "I was just... scared." I started, before realizing that I was saying too much. "I'm not good with new people." I finished awkwardly.

She smiled, looking relieved. "Okay..." she said "Do you have any of that beer left?"

"A woman after my own heart." I laughed. "Yeah I have two left, one for each of us."

She got up and grabbed the cans, throwing one to me as she opened it and drank the  _entire_ thing in a single gulp. "Woah." I managed through my amazement.

She winked and gave me a sexy smile before turning and leaving me there, soaked and slightly aroused, wondering what the fuck I was going to do.

 

 


	3. One in the Same

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For some reason my Shane is coming out as super melodramatic, and I feel like that's a little bit of my own dealings with depression coming through. Everything feels so much more heightened. Even little things like someone not texting you back can feel like your entire world is coming crashing down around you.

I hadn't seen her in three days, and I was starting to doubt myself. Had she realized how much of a shitty choice I'd be, with so many better people to choose from in this town? I mean, yes, I hadn't gone to see her either... but how could I just...  _do_ that? How could I just go see her, as if she wanted to see me? As if she cared?

The weekend was over now and it was time to go do my shift at JojaMart, so I couldn't sit here and drink my feelings away anymore. I had to go live life like I didn't feel like I was falling apart from the inside out. 

I'd never hated a shift at work as much as I hated that one. It seemed to go on for years. I couldn't stop thinking about her. I hadn't been sober the entire weekend so my pain had been dulled. Now my soberness was like a vice, crushing my chest and making me feel like I was suffocating under the weight of my own grief. I couldn't stop thinking about her and how I'd let myself fall for her. Caring about someone fucking sucked. I didn't want to care about her anymore, I didn't want to ever see her again but I also wanted to see her every day forever. She understood me, like no one else ever had... or had that all just been a lie to get me to let my guard down?

Eventually, I was blessed with the clock striking 5:00 pm and I could finally leave and drown my sorrow in alcohol. I went to the back room and changed into my regular clothes, and as I was walking back up toward the front door, I saw her through the window. She was standing sheepishly a few feet away from the door, on the path. I felt a lump forming in my throat as I opened the door, and she turned toward me at the noise. Had she come to tell me what I'd been fearing all weekend? That she didn't want anything more than a friend, or that she thought she'd liked me and realized what a mistake she'd made?

She smiled, and blushed, ducking her head down and averting her eyes away from mine. "Hey." she said softly, shifting her weight awkwardly from foot to foot. Was she nervous? What the hell did she have to be nervous about? "What do you want?" I said, maybe a bit too harshly. I didn't mean to, but she was stressing me out... this is why I tried to avoid people.

"Oh..." she stammered, her eyes glistening as she looked everywhere but my face, and her cheeks flushed a deeper shade of crimson. Did she realize how beautiful she looked when she did that? "I didn't mean to bother you..." her voice shook and I instantly felt so bad for snapping at her again. "I was just wondering if you wanted to hang out again, but if you don't want to, that's okay too... sorry." she rambled. She was doing that sexy lip biting thing with her lip again and it was making my head swim.

"No, no, it's okay." I said, trying to comfort her. " _I'm_ the one who should be sorry. I didn't have the best day today and I shouldn't have taken it out on you. Did you want to go for a walk in Cindersap?"

Her bright eyes lit up and her face broke out into a big smile. "Sure! I'd- I'd really like that!" she said excitedly. I couldn't help but smile back at her as we made our way toward the woods, not even remembering how much I'd wanted a drink tonight.

* * *

 

We arrived at the shore of the beach to the south west of the town and walked along the water. It was early fall but still quite mild and the mist from the ocean felt nice. I looked down at Ivory walking beside me. It seemed that no matter how many times that I looked at her, it still took my breath away each and every time. She had to be the most beautiful woman in the world... why did she want  _me?_   She could have pretty much any man that she wanted. She was young, beautiful, sexy and had a wonderful personality. She was nice to everyone and incredibly funny and intelligent. Why did she want an old drunk guy with nothing going for him? I was short, I wasn't in shape, I could be a real asshole and I had a shitty job. What did she see in me? Why did she want me?

"What are you thinking about?" she inquired, breaking me out of my thoughts. We came across a bench and she sat down, patting the spot beside her.

I sighed, sitting beside her. What would I say?  _Oh I was just thinking about what a prize you are and why would you want_ _a loser like me!_   _Oh and look at that you can add depressing and self-loathing onto the list of reasons not to date me!_ I couldn't tell her how I saw myself, because what if that made her see what I see? What if that made her leave? As selfish as it was, I didn't want her to see all of those bad things about me. I liked her, and I wanted her to like me. I didn't want to show her the bad things about me... _Ugh... what do I even want? What do I even do? I want her to stay but I also want her to leave and find someone better... I want to yell at her to go while screaming for her to stay._

"I'm just thinking about... us." there, not quite a lie but not quite the truth either.

"What about us?" she prodded, flashing me that winning smile of hers.

"Well..." I started. "You're really pretty, and... you've got a great personality. Why do you want to be with an old, drunk guy like me when there's guys like Alex and Sam." I said, trying to convey how I felt without being too graphic. It's a normal thing to wonder why the person is with you during the early days of a relationship... right?

She laughed in an odd way that I'd never heard before. "What do you think is so great about me?" she said flatly. "Don't you think I feel the same way about Haley and Abby? Why wouldn't you rather be with them? Haley is beautiful and blonde and every guy's dream girl. Wouldn't you rather have her?" her voice was rising in pitch and getting shakey. She looked away at the ground, but not before I saw her eyes shine with unshed tears.

All I could do was just stare at her. Could she not see how beautiful she was? Haley was nothing compared to her, and yet she was... jealous of Haley? I couldn't even make sense of it. She felt the same way that I did but she had no reason to...

Then it hit me.

I had no reason to feel the way that I did either. Neither of us could control these dark feelings that we had. It didn't matter what we had or what we looked like or any of that. What mattered was how we felt about ourselves. I didn't want her to feel the way that I did every day. I hoped that her thoughts weren't as dark as mine. I didn't want her to feel the way that I did... never.

In a moment of courage, I put my arms around her and pulled her into me, which made her cry more, so she turned and cried into my chest as I held her and reassured her. I'd be lying if I said that I didn't shed a few tears as she let her emotions pour out onto my sweater. It was beautiful and heartbreaking to see her show her emotions to me in such a raw way. Did she really trust me enough to be so vulnerable with me? It warmed my heart to think that that could be the case.

Once she had calmed down, she pulled away and looked up at me with bloodshot eyes and a red, puffy face. She still looked like a goddess. "I'm sorry." she said, her voice scratchy and tired. "Don't be." I said quietly. "I used to think that it was only me that felt this way. Now I realize how selfish it is to think that way."

She gave me a sad smile. "I just want to go home. I'm very tired."

"I'll walk you home." I said, as I pulled her up with me to our feet. She was a bit shaky and weak, so I held her arm to keep her steady.

"You don't have to do that." she protested as we started the walk back home.

"I know that. I  _want_ to." I insisted.

When we finally arrived at her little farmhouse, I felt a pang in my chest. I didn't want to say goodnight.

I stood beside her as she unlocked her door, and when she opened it, a little black and white ball of fur came to greet her, meowing and flopping over onto his back.

She giggled. "He wants a belly rub. You can give him one if you'd like."

I jumped at the chance to be around her longer, so I knelt down and rubbed his belly, feeling it start to rumble as he purred.

"That's Oreo. He's usually not too fond of people, but he seems to like you. Maybe he senses how much I like you." she mused.

I pet Oreo as she puttered around the house. She seemed to be cleaning up and getting things ready for bed and for the morning. I felt a little out of place, like this was her routine and usually no one was part of it. I reluctantly stood up, feeling bad as Oreo glared at me for cutting the petting short, even though I'd just did it for like ten minutes straight. That cat was insatiable.

"I should probably go. It's starting to get kinda late. Jas usually likes me to tuck her in and stuff, and she usually goes to bed at 10:00 so I don't want her to worry and stuff..." I knew that I was rambling, but I couldn't help it. I didn't know how to say goodbye. I didn't  _want_ to say goodbye.

Ivory gave me a disappointed smile. Maybe she didn't want me to leave either? "Okay..." she nervously stepped toward me a few steps, like she didn't know what to do. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight..." I said, closing the gap between us. I wanted to kiss her goodnight, but I didn't know how to start it. Did she want me to? The way she was gazing up at me and ugh... biting her lip... it seemed like she wanted it. My body seemed to automatically lean into her, lowering my head down to meet hers, and she came up to meet me, stretching onto the tips of her toes to reach me. I'm not overly tall but her short figure definitely made me feel it. Finally, our lips met and it was somehow better than last time. 

Almost immediately my body started to react to hers being so close. I could feel my heart rate pick up, and my hands moved to her back to pull her closer, she let out a soft sigh that went straight between my legs and I knew that I would go too far if I didn't stop this now, so I pulled away, breathing hard. 

"Sorry... I don't want to... you know."

"Don't worry, I get it. Goodnight, Shane." she smiled.

"Goodnight, Ivory." I smiled too.


	4. One Step Forward and Two Steps Back

The day that my anxiety hit a climax was on a Friday. I'd had an awful day at work, the boss was giving me a rough time, and my hours were being cut so I was barely making enough to pay my aunt rent. So by the time I got off and headed to the tavern that day, it was a miracle.

I rushed to the bar as quickly as possible and downed my beer almost immediately. I repeated this ten... or was it fifteen times? Maybe more? I can't remember, all I know is that Gus cut me off.

I stormed out of the bar, stumbling down the steps and toward Cindersap. What right did Gus have to deny me? I was perfectly fine. I headed for Marnie's house to grab my extra cases of beer that I kept on hand. Marnie and Jas weren't home, they'd gone over to have dinner with Jodi and Vincent and their family, so I didn't have to answer to anyone tonight.

I grabbed a can of beer and sat heavily on my bed. As I emptied can after can, I couldn't stop thinking of Ivory and how much more she deserved. She deserved a man who could take care of her, a loving man, a good-looking man. Over and over I told myself how worthless I was. How I wasn't worth wasting anyone's time. How I should just go away and how everyone's life would be better if I did. 

Then I was on the floor and my tears mixed with snot and beer that I'd thrown up onto my floor. I sobbed into my own vomit and heard a gasp from behind me. Marnie and Jas must've gotten home from Jodi's

Then, cold and wet all over my head.

I jumped up and saw Ivory standing there with her watering can in her hand, her green eyes glistening with unshed tears, and Marnie behind her with concern all over her face. My head throbbed and I saw the first glimmer of light coming through the window. I must've been like this all night... why had Marnie come to check on me? Had she called Ivory here?

"When are you going to start thinking about the future, Shane?" Marnie scolded. 

"If I'm lucky I won't be here long enough to have to worry about it." I replied bitterly, and saw a tear let loose from one of Ivory's eyes as she turned away at my words.

Ivory left without even saying goodbye, and Marnie gave me a sad look. I cursed under my breath at myself for making those two women worry about me, and reluctantly got up to take a shower.

After my shower I cleaned up the beer cans and... other things from my room. I only had half a case of beer left. I'd drank a lot, way way more than usual. No wonder I'd passed out.

After myself and everything else were clean, I went outside to get some fresh air, my head felt like it wanted to crack right open as I went out into the bright sun, but the cool fall air felt good so I kept walking.

I walked and I walked until I found myself far down the shorline. I must've walked for a good hour or two, and I was in an unfamiliar woods. I had never been this far east before. I turned around and saw the valley stretched out in front of me, past the line of trees. I must've been halfway up the mountain on the eastern side of the valley and it looked gorgeous in here, nustled in the trees, looking peaceful and quiet as ever.

It was just so...  _beautiful_. It took my breath away. I'd never been one to swoon over nature, and I most definitely was  _not_ swooning now, I just couldn't believe how the valley looked up here. Up here where you couldn't see the drama, or the people judging you, or shunning you, or breaking your heart or rejecting you... up here you could only see... the big picture. Was... was this all that mattered? This beautiful big picture? If that were the case, then why did the little picture hurt so damned bad.

I sat down on a mossy tree stump, just then realizing how tired my legs were. They felt like rubber. I'd just rest here a bit and then head back to town.

While I was looking at the big picture, I decided to think about the big picture with Ivory. She was sweet and young... and pure. She didn't deserve me. She deserved a guy who could take care of her, and who could love her without poisoning her with negativity. If I was in her life, I'd ruin her. I knew that I would. Maybe it was naive... or selfish but I felt that I couldn't put her through that. I felt that I needed to end things with her.

But how would I do it?

Her very presence was intoxicating, and what if she started crying? I didn't think that I could bear it.

I sighed and pushed off of the stump to start back down the mountain, but there must've been an exposed root where I'd put my foot, because the next thing that I knew I was tumbling down and then... darkness.


	5. You Are Perfect Porcelean...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will definitely be more graphic descriptions of Shane's depression and suicidal thoughts moving forward, so I updated the rating for this story and I also added a warning at the start of the story, but I'm putting this here for those of you who have already read the first 4 chapters. As I get closer to the climax and more comfortable with writing Shane, these things are just going to naturally come out, I can feel it. So just a warning for anyone sensitive to that sort of content.

"...on't worry..."

"...be okay? ..."

"should... fine... rest"

"thank... Harvey..."

_silence..._

_Where did that beautiful voice go?_

I wanted her to speak again, the angel from my dreams. 

Then, as if answering my prayers I feel her soft, small hand in mine. I wondered if I might have died and am in heaven? But that couldn't be right. I'd never been the best person in life so why would I have gone to heaven? I need to see who the hand belongs to...

I opened my eyes.

Immediately my eyes were assaulted by a painful white light. I blinked a few times, until my eyes focused on the angel from my dream, Ivory.

I wasn't dreaming, I was in Dr. Harvey's clinic and Ivory was sitting beside where I lay on the uncomfortable bed, with her hand in mine.

She smiled down at me and I swear my heart had to skip a beat in my chest, but my heart monitor said otherwise, as the mountains and canyons on the screen stayed consistent. I attempted to sit up only to find her hands on my chest to keep me down.

The heart monitor betrayed me as the "BPM" number climbed and the machine started beeping to signal my apparant weakness to being touched by her.

"Dr. Harvey!" she called down the hall. "He's awake."

The doctor rushed in, his mustache and hair looking unkempt, like he'd just rolled out of bed and hadn't had time to brush it.

"Hey Shane" he said, raising an eyebrow as he studied the monitor, which was just now settling down, thankfully, now that Ivory wasn't near me. "How do you feel?" he inquired as he pulled out his stethoscope and listened to my chest.

"Uh..." my voice was raspy, and my throat was dry. I cleared it, but it barely helped. "My throat is a little scratchy and my head hurts..." I began, before noticing the cast on my left leg. "What happened?"

"Well you had quite a tumble it seems. You're lucky you have people who care about you. Ivory here and your aunt had the whole town searching for you when they hadn't seen you all night. They were frantic and worried sick." My eyes darted to Ivory standing to the side when he mentioned that she'd been worried about me. She blushed under my gaze, and I wanted nothing more than to hold her in my arms at that moment. "Clint found you up in the mountains and him and Gus carried you down to the town." I cringed at the fact that I'd troubled so many people with my stupidity.

"Your leg  _is_ broken, and you have a minor concussion." he said. "The leg will take a month or two to heal, your head should be good in a few days to a week. You won't be able to work for most of that time, as you shouldn't be on your feet too much. You should stay in bed for most of the healing time. Your leg broke in two places and I needed to reset it, so you may experience pain, but it shouldn't be anything extreme. If it is, I will prescribe you some pain killers. Other than that, everything looks fine. Your vitals are all fine, and you're free to go home when you wish, and just take it easy, okay Shane?" the doctor gave me a look that said more than I could read into.

Dr. Harvey left and Ivory came back toward the bed. I didn't know what to say to her. I didn't want her to care about me, I didn't want anyone to care about me, but she did, and I scared her. It's a lot of responsibility to have people care about you.

"I'm sorry..." I managed through the lump in my throat.

"You've been out for a few days, Shane. You could have died." She said, her eyes ablaze, making me wince and look away.

"I didn't mean to-"

"Shane." she cut me off "They found alcohol in your blood. A lot of it. You didn't tell anyone wher you went. You just left, drunk. A lot worse than this could have happened. What would Jas do without you? Your aunt? Me?" her voice broke and a tear ran down her cheek, and my heart sank. I had no idea she cared so much about what happened to me. I hurt her really bad, and I had no idea how to fix it.

"Ivory..." I began, not knowing what to say, so I reached my hand out toward her, and by some miracle, she responded by climbing onto the bed with me and nuzzling her head into my chest.

I had no idea what to do.

She looked up at me, and pulled my arm around her so that it lay on her hip, and she nuzzled closer.

She smelled...  _so_ good. Too good. Like... peaches?  _Man, I fucking love peaches._ I thought as I put my nose in her hair so that I was surrounded by her scent.

We lay like this for... a few minutes, an hour... a week? I have no idea but it wasn't long enough. All of a sudden she twisted around, putting her hand on my chest, moving her head so that he face was inches from mine. 

I went rigid, and I swear I stopped breathing. I didn't want to move, I didn't want to do anything in case I did the wrong thing and she disappeared.

She looked down at my lips, and I was drawn to her, closing the distance between our faces, to give her what she looked like she wanted. I was happy to oblige.

The kiss... started out innocent, sweet. I poured all of the admiration that I had for her into that kiss. Then, all of a sudden, it took a turn. It was a breathy, wet kiss. A kiss that led to more...

Then she pulled away from me and it took all my will power not to pull her back into me. "We should go. Dr. Harvey has other patients."

I nodded slowly, still under her spell, as she helped me to sit up and she handed me my crutches.

We walked together to the spot where we should split up to go our seperate ways.

"I can bring meals down to you. My chickens make some mean eggs for breakfast and I always make too much food for myself when I make dinner..."

I didn't need her to take care of me. She had a whole farm to take care of... and yet, I found myself wanting to say yes... it would mean a guarantee to see her at least twice a day. It was such a selfish thought, but so tempting...

"No... No, I don't want to trouble you..." I started.

"It's no trouble at all, Shane. It's an excuse for me to come see you every day, and it would help you out."

She wanted to see me too... she felt the same way. I should have felt overjoyed to have my feelings reciprocated but I just felt shitty that she was falling for a guy like me... she deserved so much better. I saw the way Dr. Harvey looked at her. She could be with him, he was successful and a really good match for her... he'd make her happy.

"I... suppose... if it wouldn't be much trouble." I said, deflated. Torn between wanting her, and wanting her to be happy.

She smiled, and gave me a slow kiss on the lips, and my body melted into her.

"Take care of yourself, okay Shane?" she said as she walked off to her farm.

I sighed and made my way back to Marnie's house, feeling like a bag of shit and most likely looking like one too.

My heart had never ever felt so conflicted... I had no idea how to make it right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that this chapter took so long guys! I've been dealing with my own depression, on top of being busy during the holidays and stuff... it just took a lot out of me. I am really hoping to write more often now. I'm gonna go replay Stardew Valley and I'm hoping that that'll get my creative juices flowing again! Thank you to everyone who's left me Kudos on this story. It means a lot to me, and thank you to those of you who have stayed with me through my shitty writing schedule. Y'all mean the world to me, seriously. I hope y'all enjoyed the chapter!


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